when CHAPALANG things come tgt!

life have been rather hectic for me these few days! will be over real soon! <3 jiayou peoplee! do not want to elaborate much but these few days are contributing to my memories too..

recently, i went for my jab. and my arm is still aching! ): even carrying laptop is a chore! haih! the doctor is funny though, he kept saying well done puaysee while the needle is still in me.. den he even ask me not to look at the needles! i almost want to cry out when he took out the needles. is super pain. not trying to be funny here, u go try tt needle urself! after that, he asked if i wan a cartoon plaster or a normal one.. i told him "the normal ones are fine" with the -.- face..

i need some shopping! it's been some time since i go in and out of the shops to look at things! ): #nolife i love shopping but i hate to carry the things. is SUPER HATE tt kind.. if only doremon exist, and he may bring some helper into my life..

haven been able to sleep well these few nights.. kept sleeping at timing like 4am.. was bored and was doing some day dreaming.. if only i have super steady, forever bored, forever suffering from insomnia friends.. then i can text/call/twitter/fb saying IM BORED. den super steady go out chill/supper at 3am in the night. i dun mind walking leh! so long as got people accompany me! heeee. forever insomnia friends, whr r u?

i rmb my first insomnia, i can even create a whole story and text peabrain.. tsk. den end up he slping like some PIG.. idiot, den when im slping he reply say "nice story!" id10t!

ok la, nth much abt my life alrdy. next week will be more happening I GUESS.

there are some inspiring picture, some happie picture, some saddening pictures, some fun moments, and some super lame pictures below.

my ANNCHEE whatsapp me this picture. i dun quite understand wad tt orange thing was until i read the words. then i smiled. true, i will have to pick myself up and carry on.. no one is gg to die without me. no one is gg to stop smiling without me. the sun will still rise from the east and fall from the west. nothing will change. if i dun move on in life, i will nvr enter a new chapter so as to end with a "happily ever after".

even in fairytales, happily ever after only happens after all the dramas.

i am able to type this entire chunk of words, it is all up to me to practise wad i preach now.. (:

alright, this screenshot really makes me :D IM NOT SHORT. (proven) heeheehee! peabrain is AWESOME for once! :D

if u are thinking im trying to take a picture of the date or the PAUSE/BREAK, u are WRONG! MY LAPTOP CRACKED! super sad. ):

chanced upon this picture on facebook! HAHAHAH! i was like OMGGGG! it's damn cool! good things must share!

went out for dinner w family during the weekends! we tried the suki-ya. it's 19.90++/person. buffet. ok la.. 19.90 cnt expect so much right.. the cheesemeatball scalded my brother!

my brother REFUSED to take photo with me ))))):

then the next day or smth, we went to send our cousin off! she gg korea to climb mountain -.-" at swensens! my brother STILL REFUSED to take photo w me! )))):

look at the photo below! my hair loook like gt white hair! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

highlight of the day! ICE-cream! ice-cream just makes me happie! :D

FOC aangry bird. nt a fan of angrybird. but i describe my feelings by saying "super angrybird now" or "angry like an angrybird now" when im angry! HAHAH

curled my hair recently temporary. hahah! it went straight again after i wash my hair. hahah! i even thought of curling my hair for cny. like new hairstyle.. but after tt few hours, i backed out. the curl is nice but i look like aunty. why like tt?! ):

it's okay. done w blogging. promised to be back asap!

im tired of blogging leh.. wad if i close my blog.. JK!

First & Last post on my (M)

i promise this post is not short. there will not be any picture.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ul-qJPXSrY0

this guy in the video above is called MINHUA.. idk who he is at all. chance upon his video after my friend shared it on facebook.. honestly, im not paying attention to his video at all. but idk why, but when at 2:58 tt part there, i click the wrong tab and i saw him smiling. fate? my heart sank. how can anyone's smile look exactly like his?

i rewind the video and watched it again. he smiled a couple of times. i covered his eyes and nose, leaving behind his smile. his smile is almost the same as M's. hence, for the past few night, i watched the video before i slp. yes, im mad. i admit my heart still race for him.

even just now on channel5, mission impossible. when the lady called "matthew", i stopped wadever im doing and turned my head.. idk wad am i expecting also. not like as if he's standing outing my house..

can i start my story from really the start?

this guy, im all ready to spend my remaining life with, left couple of years back. tt year when im in sec2, december15, he left. should i agree to go with him, how will my life be now?

after his departure, we emailed each other almost everyday. till whatsapp comes along. wadever app there is to connect me to people in another country, i will dwl. den i will tell him, and then we will try the app out! like LINE and some other ulu ulu apps la.

but now, even seeing ur name popping up in my phone is a torture. it took me every ounce of energy to ignore his whatsapp. sometimes, i gave in and replied. to think i still smile over those whatsapp.

these few nights, i reread all the msges. i almost died from all those memories. i plucked up my courage and deleted them all. the moment i touch "delete" i regretted.

tt night when i received the picture of him and her, i broke down. he used to be my pillar, but he left, my world collapse. very exaggerating but i really felt damn helpless den. i couldnt stop those tears of mine. even previous break up didnt cause such tears.

thanks sweetheart for accompanying me tt night. during the weekends, ben and zx bookout. the moment i see them, i couldnt hold my tears any longer again.

subsequents night, my steadyANNCHEE chatted w me through sms.. and when she says smth like "i know you very sad. i can see from ur sms" i cried even harder.

i even hoped tt it was their plan to trick me so as to surprise me. but then, their faces tell me otherwise. then suddenly, everything seemed so real.

idk how i survived school, but one week passed.

then the 2nd week, ben told me another T___T news. i rmb vividly i was on the way to driving. i received his call. my mind went blank. idk how to react to the new information. too much for me to handle. den driving, i couldnt concentrate at all. i barged the red light. should thr be any incoming car, i would have died. but now, im no different from a dead person anyway. in case you wan to know, matthew is becoming a daddy. but im not his kid's mummy. *even typing this sentence, i wan cry*

after my driving, ben brought me for a spin! thanks armyboy! i sat beside him, he damn drama mama. he say wan cry jiu cry dun geng. then i burst out laughing. then, i alrdy no more tears to cry. this guy here is really great. always there for me. any girls want? if not, im keeping for myself. dun bear to give him to another girl lor.

not only do i mind him being daddy, i mind that he didnt tell me personally too.

to forget him, impossible, i still wants the memories. not unless i lose my memory.

to stop loving him, impossible for now.

idk if there is love bet them, it's ok. it's nt the determining factor. i know him, he is responsible. he wun shrink responsibility. tt's my boy. im proud of him for tt. but im only an ordinary person. im selfish too. a part of me wants him to ditch every single responsibility. i wan him to take me away. anywhr. as long as im able to be w him, im fine.

weeks passed, im still trying hard to forget. ben says it's hard. friends say it's not worth. but how can i control my heart?

but im trying really hard now, i promise. if i made it there and the next guy tt appear in my life, i swear im gg to love him sincerely. im going to be honest w him about matthew. i will say he is in my heart, but he is just a friend. a friend tt im prolly not gg to depend on anymore.

for now, im not ready to give them my blessing yet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfXGo_lCiS4&ob=av3e

When I close my eyes I think of you

And the times we've had been through

Even though we're far apart right now

I remember back when you were here with me

How you've made my world complete

But now I'm left alone

We talked about love and hope

Wishing we could start a life our own

I wish that I could live without you

# Why did you tear my heart apart

You said you'd love me from the start

All those painful things you've put me through

But I'm still loving you

I've tried to give my best to you

I don't deserve the things you do

Everything has gone to memories

I just wish I knew the truth behind the lies

im done ranting. dont judge me. this is my lifestory. idk how i survived tt few weeks. but i did. at the lowest point of my life, im glad i have all those friends tt kept by my side. im willing to type all these out should show tt im recovering well, i guess. but do me a favor pls, dont ask me face to face abt this or talk about it. yes by all means talk behind my back for being an attention seeker to type all these, act one devoted. it's okay. im fine w it. it's my blog wad. im not ashamed abt my life.

tell me, how many of you can relate to me? have ur love of ur life entered the other phase of life without you? if yes, pls tell me. let's cry tgt.. if not, try putting urself in my shoes pls. tyvm.

My promise 1

Quite a number of people have been asking me abt M..

I promise, i will have one post abt wad happened bet M and me..

Im tired of having to explain over and over again. )':

So i can say, "hey go read my blog"

Save me my saliver and heartaches

P/s: thanks for the concerns friends. Im still on the road to accepting the fact.